WEDDINGS
Q: Why aren’t Humanist ceremonies legally recognised?
A: Great question! As High Court rulings have stated that they should be, the only reason they’re not seems to be that sometimes traditions take a very long time to change…It is still the case that couples who choose a Humanist wedding need to pop into their local register office to complete all the necessary legalities; (this took one of my recent couples six minutes, start to finish, so needn’t be seen as a great administrative hurdle). We live in hope that England and Wales will soon catch up with Scotland, Northern Ireland and the Channel Islands in legalising Humanist weddings.
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Q: Someone in my family suggested that without a registrar present, a celebrant led wedding isn’t a “real” wedding. The legal aspect is important.
A: The first thing to say is, I expect that member of the family hasn’t experienced a Humanist wedding ceremony. If they had, they would realise that whilst being legally joined in marriage is important, the experience of being part of a ceremony which truly reflects the couple being celebrated, in a unique and unhurried setting which engages all present, can be far more memorable. And yes, some of my couples have made a little more of the register office visit (which can be before or after the Humanist ceremony), such as enjoying a meal with a few close friends or family members after the event, with their “main event” still to look forward to. I’ve also conducted ceremonies in Town Hall chambers, where the couple have nipped downstairs to the office whilst their guests are enjoying the post-ceremony champers and canapes so all parts of the wedding process are completed on the same day.
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Q: I’d love a Humanist wedding. But wouldn’t it add a lot of extra expense to our budget?
A: I shall leave the Maths up to you but in many cases, hiring me to write and deliver your original ceremony plus a midweek morning register office booking for the legal side can work out cheaper than getting the registrars to your chosen venue.
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Q: Is it true that you can hold a Humanist wedding ceremony absolutely anywhere?
A: Absolutely! Up a mountain, in your back garden, in the night club where you shared your first kiss… you call it!
VOW RENEWALS
Q: How long do you have to be married before you can have a vow renewal?
A: The answer to this is that there is no set time…I’ve conducted vow renewals for couples after 10 years, 20 years, 30 years of the being together. When the time is right, you will know!
Q: But if people have been together for so long anyway, why do they feel the need to renew their vows?
A: Sometimes couples seek to move on from a “bump in the road” in their relationship by showing their community of family and friends that they have come through this difficult time still together, and stronger for it. But more often, a request for a vow renewal comes when a couple have finally (perhaps after retirement or when children have grown up), reached a time when they feel ready to take stock, to reflect on their life together before starting the next chapter. Or perhaps the expression of sincere feelings in a pre-party ceremony lends a special significance to the evening. Whatever the reason, a vow renewal ceremony gives me the opportunity to tell the story of the couple’s life together since the day they got married: who doesn’t enjoy a good love story?
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NAMINGS
Q: Are these ceremonies just for babies?
A: Absolutely not! Some families find that the dramatic life change of a new baby means that a celebration of welcome needs to be planned for when things become a little more settled. The oldest child I have “named” so far was eleven years of age! One of the great joys of that particular ceremony is that the young person concerned joined her parents at the planning meeting and so we were able to incorporate lots of her attitudes and interests into the final script.
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Q: Do you offer ceremonies for sibling groups?
A: Multiple namings? Why not? It’s great to get the whole family involved!
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FUNERALS
Q: I’ve heard that Humanist celebrants cannot allow any religious material whatsoever in their funeral ceremonies. Is this the case?
A: Not at all! Families who enquire about a Humanist ceremony, do so to reflect the fact that the person they have lost lived a good life without religious faith. That said, where certain religious songs and readings are part of the cultural heritage shared between that person and those whom they have loved, it’s possible to incorporate such elements in a coherent and inclusive way.
Q: What do you mean by a “Memorial”?
A: The straightforward definition would be “a funeral ceremony without a coffin present”, which might take place some months or even years after the person has died. Past examples in my work include: a lively champagne celebration of life in a cricket club, an ashes-scattering on a beautiful hillside and a quiet graveside gathering for a mother who was too ill to attend the funeral of her stillborn baby sixteen years earlier. The possibilities are endless.
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